There is a book being passed around work called The TimeWaster Letters, which is a collection of ridiculous letters the author sent to various people, and the responses he got. It’s well worth a read, and comes well endorsed.

But that’s not what this blog is about, instead I’m talking about ‘The Delaney Mails’, published today in all good booksto … well published here on my blog anyway.

Due to cutbacks I was unable to ‘change the names to protect the innocent’, so every time you read the name MICHAEL DELANEY .. imagine it actually says something else (there, shouldn’t get sued now)

Delaney is a ninja (note the ja), and is therefore on the ninJA email list … just before Christmas he sent the following email

From:  “michael delaney”
hi
dont know if i have the right person but do you know do you know about that computing job you told me about it at the grading can you give the more info no it as am try to contact them so i am not confused you the one who work in the university at manchester carerrs service well if this is not who i think it is sorry for the mistake i chosse the name that sounded right to me thanks and have a good xmass and new years all the best michael ps this email is posted to everyone in our group right so if it is the the right person will get it in the end all the best michael

Which justifiably got the following responses

From:  “oliver kenton”
hi mike, you are thinking of Mark.
also, AAAAAARGH!!!!! PUNCTUATION!!!!

From:  “mcphee”
My brain still hurts just from trying to read that!

From:  Andrew Doyle
Trying to read that just made my hangover 10 times worse!
damn you!

From:  “Mark A”
Actually, it’s not me that works in a Career Service any more, it’s Scott from Manchester.
And my brain is dripping out of my ear and I have developed a twitch since reading that grammar.

So he made ammends with:

From:  “michael delaney”
So it is Mark who works in manchester or mmu that I in need to talk to does any one have his e mail address and please note the “grammer” in this massage is a lot better then the last one. So your heads wont hurt if you are hung over while reading this e mail thank you and good night and if you need some fun cheack out these mugshots at the below link

I just love the way that he claims the ‘“grammer” in this massage’ is better … just because he’s put in a full stop (in the wrong place) and not even at the end of the paragraph.

Now I don’t claim to be great with grammar or punctuation … only a fool would make such a claim and continue to write a blog, but his first mail was SO bad that he’s focused attention on every mail he writes.

His mails have improved slightly, I think mainly because he keeps them short now. The guys at work ask me to forward them all his mails, and I thought they were funny enough to put up here, with future mails being put into comments.

(It’s probably important to remember Delaney is a university student).

From:  “michael delaney”
i have no idea but we will soon find out ps sorry about that email about a job and who had aproblem with the garmmer all the best mike and happy new year 2005 to you all

In response to ninJA restarting after Christmas:

From:  “michael delaney”
so lessons are back on the 4 of jan ever wat plaease let meknow

and

From:  “michael delaney”
so is ti no tonught th6 fo januray 2005 yes or no please let me know all the best mike

And finally (for now) about a ninJA donation to the Tsunami fund

From:  “michael delaney”
have to cheack my bank balance will see ps how much is a guee