I emailed a friend with the story of last night, after re-reading it, it seems embarrassing enough to add it as a blog!

Be warned though, by the end of this, you WILL squirm with shame just by proxy of knowing me!

Names have been left out, to protect the not so innocent!

Background Info:

I met a girl this weekend, who it turns out I really like.

We kissed a lot, and at the end of the weekend, whilst drunk she said she was going to a concert in Birmingham the next day, and that I should come.  I said I would.

In the end tho, I couldn’t make it.

But I heard from a friend that she was gonna be at another gig in Liverpool on Tuesday, before flying home on Wednesday.  So I *could* turn up there.

Tuesday June 5th: Daytime

I spent the whole day stressing about going or not going. I really suck at this stuff, I get ridiculously shy/nervous!

My main worries were: Whether she actually wanted me to go meet her there or whether it was just drunk talk, Whether there was an entire other bit to the conversation that I don’t remember (due to vodka mindwipe), And whether I’ll just turn up, stand on my own for the concert, and not dare go speak to her

In the end I decided it was something I’d always regret it if I don’t go

Tuesday June 5th: Evening

Drove to Liverpool, feeling sick with nerves.

My plan was to get there late, stand at the back, probably leaning against the bar. then *if* she’s happy to see me, she can come say hi, and if (as I feared) she thought “oh god, what’s he doing here”.. then she can ignore me, and I can leave.

Arrived late, to find everyone still queueing outside! got panicked that if I walked over now I’d be stood in full daylight just a few feet away from her whilst she ignores me.. so went for a walk til the queue went in.

Eventually went in, up the stairs to the main rooms.. where panic struck again! didn’t want to look around the room in case I made eye contact with her and she looked horrified to see me.

Left the premises and went sat in a nearby bar for half an hour drinking diet coke to calm my nerves!  Decided that driving and staying sober had been the wrong option.

Went back in, support band was playing, stood at the bar listening.

At the end of the support bands set, her and a friend came to the bar, she saw me and came straight over

She said hi, she kissed me, then leaned into me at the bar so I put my arms round her

A bit of small talk while she was being served, then her friend wanted her help carrying the drinks back in, she kissed me a bit more, said they were on the front row and I should come find them

yay!

Which is where it started to go badly wrong!

The Wrongness

Instead of going with her right then, I panicked that she was just being polite and didn’t actually want me to.  I said I’d come find her. let her leave, and a few minutes later once I’d convinced myself to stop being so insecure, wandered in there to find her.

Eventually found her in the crowd, not that it mattered, cos couldn’t actually get to her. There was a big crowd of very Kane obsessed women at least 5 deep that were angrily defending their position in the crowd, and.. I couldn’t get near

So for the entire Kane set, I was stood about 6 feet behind her.

When it finished, people began to drift away. I went over, she pulled my arms around her again and kissed me.

Then there was a big conversation in German going on between about 8 of them, so i stood there for a few minutes with my arms around her not saying anything, and not understanding anything being said.. was very awkward and cringeful!

She said “I gotta go say goodbye to some friends”, and went off to say goodbye to people.

I figured I either follow her like a lost puppy, and stand around saying nothing whilst she speaks to people i don’t know.  Or I wait around for her to finish.

After a few minutes I started panicking that I’m just looking a loser right now anyway, stood here on my own waiting for a girl I don’t know is actually gonna come back.  I went to the bathroom to kill some time.

As I walked past her, she saw me coming, and moved over to me, but then realised I wasn’t headed to her and sort of stopped coming towards me and turned to someone else.. another awkward moment!

Came out of bathroom, bought a Kane cd (am not a Kane fan, just wanted to kill some more time!), leaned against a wall reading through the sleeve notes a few times, then figured I’d blown it, and was time to at least try a dignified departure.

Walked over to her, and said “I’m gonna get off”, there was a look on her face which I’d like to think was disappointment, but was probably relief. 

There was an awkward moment where we kept eye contact a second longer than normally would when saying bye to someone, and she leaned in and awkwardly kissed me.  The optimistic part of me says it was just a quick kiss because she was stood in a crowd of friends. The panicking bit of me says this was because the extra second of eye contact made her think I wasn’t just gonna leave quietly, so she gave me a brief kiss, just to make the awkward moment go away.

And I turned round and left.

In conclusion. pretty disastrous, only actually spent a couple of minutes with her, started well, then my usual nervous, awkward, shy, clumsy side came through and messed it up.

On the other hand… if I’d known in advance that she’d be happy to see me there, but I’d only get to spend a few minutes with her, I’d have still gone