Background info:  In Australia you have to pay for bank accounts.  They also charge you for using any cash machine other than the ones belonging to your own bank, and for a variety of other day to day bank activities.

The story:  I phoned my bank, and at the end of the call, they moved into their sales pitch.

“Have you heard about our great new savings account deal?”

I explained that no, no I hadn’t.

“it’s a free account, there are no monthly charges, and no charges to transfer money between this and your main account, so it’s a very useful account to have”

I double checked that there would be no charges, and no fees, it wouldn’t cost me anything

“That’s right, there are no charges, and no fees, it won’t cost you anything”

So I agreed to get the account, I doubted I’d use it as I’m not real good at saving money.  But I’m new in this country, and need to build up a good credit profile.  After signing me up the rep said he just needed to read through the terms and conditions

“mumble mumble .. savings account .. mumble mumble.. no monthly fee.. mumble mumble.. transfer fees will be applied to your other account.. mumble mumble”

I interrupted, and asked him to repeat that last bit

“mumble mumble..”

the bit before that..

“transfer fees will be applied to your other account”

I pointed out that a number of times in the conversation so far he’d told me that transfer fees would NOT be applied.

“yes, that’s right”

I made a puzzled noise

“Transfer fees won’t be applied to THIS account.  Not at all.  Not ever.  They’ll be applied to your other account instead”.

Brilliant!

I muttered about him being a big fat liar. Realising that I was onto his scam, but not content to give up the fight, he then tried to catch me out in a different way.

“You won’t ALWAYS be charged a transfer fee, it’s only for assisted transfers”

I asked what one of those was

“An assisted transfer is one where you phone up and ask a member of staff to transfer the money, or you go into the branch.  Basically one where there’s human interaction.  If you do it online, or through the automated phoneline then there are no charges”. 

He paused for breath.  “Right, that’s your account all set up and ready to go.  Would you like me to transfer some money now?”

That’d be an assisted transfer right?

“yes”

Then no, no I wouldn’t.