Nine people staying in a remote cottage • surrounded by dark woods • no contact with the outside world • a strange local landlord • noises in the night • mutilated livestock • getting lost in the woods after midnight • boarded up buildings • sabotaged vehicles • warnings of beasts afoot at night • stumbling into a gypsy camp • people being found unconscious • mysterious army vehicle abandoned nearby • local police ignoring our requests for help • suspicious locals • a nearby village that doesn’t show up on the map • a scary clown • moonless nights…

Nope not the new horror film from Wes Craven

That was an entirely accurate description of my weekend

No punchline … every word is true!