At lunch today I went to the local bakers to grab some food.

The girl behind the counter started to serve me, then looked again and said “Oh hi!”.

She put my food in a paper bag, and went over to one of the other girls who work there, said something, they both looked at me, then turned away and said something else.

She then came back and said “come down to this end of the counter, it’s quieter”

So we did, and she seemed a little flustered, but I paid for my food, and she put it in a carrier bag for me, and even put my pastie inside a second paper bag to “stop it getting grease on everything” … which was pretty weird.

…

When I got back to the office, there was a valentines card in the carrier bag, with 7 handwritten poems inside, including one about me having a juicy bum…

…

Within seconds, pretty much every woman in the office had gone to the bakers to see which girl it was, told them my name, told them I’m recently single, found out who the card was off (The girl who sent it wasn’t working today, she’d left it with the others to give to me in case I came in), and generally got all the juicy details.

Now I’m scared to even walk past the place, never mind go in and buy food!